23 August 2010

Fork in the road

It's late. I don't know if it's because I'm watching back-to-back episodes of Dexter that's making me a bit morose, but I'm alone with my thoughts and having a tiny freak-out right now.

See, I quit my job last week. I have been working in a totally toxic environment for almost a year and then a week ago, I had had enough. I actually had enough three months ago, but when you're a parent with responsibilities, you can't really say "fuck off" to the boss and bail. Unfortunately. Because that is what I would have loved to do. Instead, I waited for a better moment. For an opening, an opportunity, an escape plan. And what do you know, one fell in my lap.

After some serious thought and a lot of anxiety, I decided to jump head-first into the world of the self-employed. So I gave my notice at my job. I'm excited and totally scared all at the same time. What if I fail? This is the BIG QUESTION that is rattling around in my head. What if I fail. I should be confident in my ability to succeed with this new adventure but to the contrary, I am not. And that scares the shit out of me.

At least I'll have some time to regroup. I am nothing if not a good regrouper. Yes, I just made that word up. Deal with it.

2 comments:

Smaktakula said...

Congratulations on your decision. Your question is a good one--ask yourself it seriously and I believe it will help.

WHAT IF YOU FAIL?

Will you or your child starve?
Will you die or catch a grave disease?
Will your friends and family abandon you?
Will life as you know it now suddenly cease to happen?

Now, WHAT IF YOU SUCCEED?

sari said...

Exactly. What if you don't fail?

I have this issue also. There is something I've wanted to do my whole life...but somehow I manage to avoid it because WHAT IF I FAIL?

Shit. Now I'm going to have to get with it, too. Thanks, Eva. ha ha

PS GOOD FOR YOU, getting out of there!