23 August 2010

Fork in the road

It's late. I don't know if it's because I'm watching back-to-back episodes of Dexter that's making me a bit morose, but I'm alone with my thoughts and having a tiny freak-out right now.

See, I quit my job last week. I have been working in a totally toxic environment for almost a year and then a week ago, I had had enough. I actually had enough three months ago, but when you're a parent with responsibilities, you can't really say "fuck off" to the boss and bail. Unfortunately. Because that is what I would have loved to do. Instead, I waited for a better moment. For an opening, an opportunity, an escape plan. And what do you know, one fell in my lap.

After some serious thought and a lot of anxiety, I decided to jump head-first into the world of the self-employed. So I gave my notice at my job. I'm excited and totally scared all at the same time. What if I fail? This is the BIG QUESTION that is rattling around in my head. What if I fail. I should be confident in my ability to succeed with this new adventure but to the contrary, I am not. And that scares the shit out of me.

At least I'll have some time to regroup. I am nothing if not a good regrouper. Yes, I just made that word up. Deal with it.


Smaktakula said...

Congratulations on your decision. Your question is a good one--ask yourself it seriously and I believe it will help.


Will you or your child starve?
Will you die or catch a grave disease?
Will your friends and family abandon you?
Will life as you know it now suddenly cease to happen?


sari said...

Exactly. What if you don't fail?

I have this issue also. There is something I've wanted to do my whole life...but somehow I manage to avoid it because WHAT IF I FAIL?

Shit. Now I'm going to have to get with it, too. Thanks, Eva. ha ha

PS GOOD FOR YOU, getting out of there!