30 September 2008

Blogging Sin #3: Plagiarism

I got this email from a co-worker of mine today and wanted to share it with all of you fine people. Because I'm geeky like that.

"The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+."

26 September 2008

Blogging Sin #2: Procrastination

Basically, more sloth. In disguise! And cuter, don't you think?

Last weekend, I went to Santa Barbara with my brother's fiancee and three other lovely women for a bachelorette party. It is now late Thursday night (technically, I guess it's Friday morning - yes I have insomnia tonight and I have no more bank statements to reconcile, so I must blog! I also don't have cable, which explains why I've been reconciling my bank statements instead of watching the tube. Although Conan is on right now in the background, but never you mind about that. This is now much too long to be parenthetical anymore so I'm going to resume my original sentence. I'll wait while you go find the beginning. Okay? Okay.) and I'm just getting around to organizing my thoughts about the weekend into blog form. How am I doing so far? Wait, don't answer that.

So Santa Barbara: what a beautiful weekend for a trip out of town. Warm, but not hot. Blue skies. Fun company. We went wine tasting, picnicked on a vineyard, and had a driver so that we could taste to our heart's content. Not the driver. The wine. Ha! Wow, I'm amusing at 1:15am. I should blog in the wee hours more often!

Two of the ladies on the trip had the foresight to bring some silly bachelorette accoutrements, which provided endless giggles on the drive back to Santa Barbara after four hours of wine tasting. For example, someone produced a deck of cards that had 52 different images of naked men on them. And yes, we all agreed that naked men are gross. At least naked men that live on the backs of playing cards from 1984.

That night we went out for margaritas and Mexican food. And salsa dancing! My dance partner that evening, Juan, was a great dancer and very patient with White Girl Eva. After a few songs, I picked up some steps and he even spun me around a bit. I am SO going to go salsa dancing again sometime. It was a blast. Ms. Bachelorette had to be dragged off the dance floor at 1 a.m. so that we could get back to our home base.

I don't remember much more. Not because I was drunk, but it was 1:00 a.m. and I'm a mom and I just don't last that long anymore. As soon as we got back to the house we were staying at, I set up my sleeping bag and collapsed into a deep sleep.

Remember in college when it was a weekly occurrence, staying up until 2am or later? Good times.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

15 September 2008

Blogging Sin #1: Sloth

Here is how lazy I am.

I am so lazy that I can't even re-post an old post to keep my readers from abandoning me. Instead, I'm just posting about how lazy I am by not posting.

Have I lost you yet? Because I think I just lost myself with that last part. If anyone knows what I'm talking about, please explain it to me.

09 September 2008

No autographs, please.


I'm very busy and important. And I'm in a hurry. If I was behind you on the road right now, I would tailgate you and honk impatiently, indicating my desire for you to move out of my way so that I could pass you. Once you obeyed my non-verbal request, I would speed up and as I passed you I would glance over with an irritated look while simultaneously gunning the engine. Then I would cut you off, and immediately slam on the brakes in front of you to pull into a parking lot just ahead. I wouldn't use my turn signal. I would then park in a Compact Only parking space. Backwards. Unevenly.

Grrrr...

I strongly dislike my ex-husband today. He is being a dick.

Ok, I feel better now. Thanks for reading!

03 September 2008

Genetics

This is me and my brother back in the day. I have this picture hanging in my bathroom with other photos of Boog in the tub, or wrapped in a towel, or in his robe. I'm the one on the left. I'm not quite sure what I'm looking at in this photo, but if memory serves, my brother probably farted in the tub again.



Since Boog was born, I've been told he looks just like me. I can definitely see some similarities. But when he looks at the picture above and I ask him who that is on the left, he says, "Boog!" So I thought I would show you a side-by-side comparison.



What do YOU think?